I thought you understood. That's what you told me. That you understood the pain, the suffering. You healed me but when you left, you left with me with a bigger whole than the last one. I thought I couldn't endure more pain, but I was wrong. It feels empty, but the pain remains. I thought it would disappear when time passed, but it only seems to grow stronger. Sometimes it feels like someones suffocating me. And it's like I've lost myself. I can't don't even now which day it is anymore. I don't like to feel like my control is slipping. It tears me apart even more than before, if that's even possible.
Each time I look outside it feels like someones watching me, and everytime I hope it's you. But everytime I get disappointed and my heart is ripped away from my body. Sometimes I can almost see it, lying on the floor, pulsing, getting weaker and weaker until it's still, and then I know that you won't ever come back. But than it happens all over again, a tiny bit of hope sparks in me, my stomachs flutters in excitment, only to get even more pain. Each day the pain increases and all I can do is to watch myself slip away, becoming nothing. Like thin air. I can barely eat anymore and my skin has a ghost white color to it. It's like I'm a walking dead person, and to be honest, it scares the hell out of me. If only I could find the strenght to fight this, to have something to fight for. I've almost lost everything I loved and sometimes I keep wondering if someone would care if I wouldn't be around anymore. It feels like I could fade into nothing and no one would care. And that hurts me. Like someones stabbing a knife in me, over and over again.
And in the nights... The nightmares that hunts me. I can see you leaving me if it was happening that moment. The moments I push away in daylight hunts me at night. The ear pearcing screams that fills the night keeps me sleepless for days. And when I finally sleep again, those memories keeps coming back, mocking me for the one great thing I ever had. I always knew he was to good for me but I still hoped he wouldn't notice that. I know, it's really selfish but I couldn't help myself and I feel the guilt grabbing me everyday for keeping him away from happiness for such a long time. I don't know how long I have left, but in the state I'm in righ know, it's a matter of time before I close my eyes for the last time. I keep waiting for the blackness to embrace me but it never happens. Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserv this. I've tried to live a good life, always being nice, but I must have done something wrong, 'cause I don't think anyone deserves this kind of pain. And I hope everyday for the unknown come and whisk me away.

The Opposite to each other
Different believes
Meets in the dark
Were everything changes

One single tear falls
That's all I'll give you


Tjenare alla!
Länge sedan jag skrev kanske? ;)
Har i alla fall tråkigt just nu så jag tänkte att jag kunde slänga in ett inlägg. Vet inte om jag kommer skriva mer på ett tag, det beror helt på om jag känner för det eller inte. Inget speciellt har hänt så ni behöver i alla fall inte oroa er för det! Just nu lyssnar jag på musik, som alltid, och försöker bestämma mig för om jag ska skriva eller läsa...
I alla fall, ska fixa lite bilder och kanske skapa framsidan till en sak för EV.
Ciao!


Jag är ganska nöjd med de här bilden ;)
Vad tycker ni?

Oskyldiga barn
Inga tårar
Älskad och omhändertagen
Oskyldiga barn
Inte en ända tår fälld
För förlust av liv eller kärlek
Inte en ända tår fälld
För förlusten av en familj
Lycklig för ögonblicket
Vet inte om smärtan
Våra hopp ligger på de oskyldiga barnen
För att de aldrig ska känna smärta,
fälla en tår över någon
Till de oskyldiga barnen
Ger vi allt

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Gömmer mig bakom leenden och skratt
Låtsas vara glad och lycklig
Men bakom förseglade dörrar
Gråter jag ut min själ
Och låter verkligheten krascha ner

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Ögon fyllda med värme
Leenden av lycka
Din vackra själ
Förnekande underbar
Ett hjärta av guld
Du skyddar mig
Likt en ängel vakar du över mig
Hjälper mig att sprida mina vingar
Hjälper mig att finna lyckan, friheten

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Stjärnglans i dina ögon
Skratt som musik
Mina ögon fastnar
Hypnotiserad och bländad
Jag ser dig framför mig
Men långt inom mig
Vet jag att du ej finns
För om jag stänger mina ögon
Kan jag känna vinden i mitt hår
Blåser bort det sista av dig
Men jag vet att du existerar
Inuti mig, i mitt hjärta
Där du för alltid kommer ha den största delen av mig