I thought you understood. That's what you told me. That you understood the pain, the suffering. You healed me but when you left, you left with me with a bigger whole than the last one. I thought I couldn't endure more pain, but I was wrong. It feels empty, but the pain remains. I thought it would disappear when time passed, but it only seems to grow stronger. Sometimes it feels like someones suffocating me. And it's like I've lost myself. I can't don't even now which day it is anymore. I don't like to feel like my control is slipping. It tears me apart even more than before, if that's even possible.
Each time I look outside it feels like someones watching me, and everytime I hope it's you. But everytime I get disappointed and my heart is ripped away from my body. Sometimes I can almost see it, lying on the floor, pulsing, getting weaker and weaker until it's still, and then I know that you won't ever come back. But than it happens all over again, a tiny bit of hope sparks in me, my stomachs flutters in excitment, only to get even more pain. Each day the pain increases and all I can do is to watch myself slip away, becoming nothing. Like thin air. I can barely eat anymore and my skin has a ghost white color to it. It's like I'm a walking dead person, and to be honest, it scares the hell out of me. If only I could find the strenght to fight this, to have something to fight for. I've almost lost everything I loved and sometimes I keep wondering if someone would care if I wouldn't be around anymore. It feels like I could fade into nothing and no one would care. And that hurts me. Like someones stabbing a knife in me, over and over again.
And in the nights... The nightmares that hunts me. I can see you leaving me if it was happening that moment. The moments I push away in daylight hunts me at night. The ear pearcing screams that fills the night keeps me sleepless for days. And when I finally sleep again, those memories keeps coming back, mocking me for the one great thing I ever had. I always knew he was to good for me but I still hoped he wouldn't notice that. I know, it's really selfish but I couldn't help myself and I feel the guilt grabbing me everyday for keeping him away from happiness for such a long time. I don't know how long I have left, but in the state I'm in righ know, it's a matter of time before I close my eyes for the last time. I keep waiting for the blackness to embrace me but it never happens. Sometimes I wonder what I've done to deserv this. I've tried to live a good life, always being nice, but I must have done something wrong, 'cause I don't think anyone deserves this kind of pain. And I hope everyday for the unknown come and whisk me away.

The Opposite to each other
Different believes
Meets in the dark
Were everything changes

Oskyldiga barn
Inga tårar
Älskad och omhändertagen
Oskyldiga barn
Inte en ända tår fälld
För förlust av liv eller kärlek
Inte en ända tår fälld
För förlusten av en familj
Lycklig för ögonblicket
Vet inte om smärtan
Våra hopp ligger på de oskyldiga barnen
För att de aldrig ska känna smärta,
fälla en tår över någon
Till de oskyldiga barnen
Ger vi allt

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Gömmer mig bakom leenden och skratt
Låtsas vara glad och lycklig
Men bakom förseglade dörrar
Gråter jag ut min själ
Och låter verkligheten krascha ner

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Ögon fyllda med värme
Leenden av lycka
Din vackra själ
Förnekande underbar
Ett hjärta av guld
Du skyddar mig
Likt en ängel vakar du över mig
Hjälper mig att sprida mina vingar
Hjälper mig att finna lyckan, friheten

-

Stjärnglans i dina ögon
Skratt som musik
Mina ögon fastnar
Hypnotiserad och bländad
Jag ser dig framför mig
Men långt inom mig
Vet jag att du ej finns
För om jag stänger mina ögon
Kan jag känna vinden i mitt hår
Blåser bort det sista av dig
Men jag vet att du existerar
Inuti mig, i mitt hjärta
Där du för alltid kommer ha den största delen av mig

Slutet är nära
Klockan tickar
I takt med mitt hjärta
Jag hör hur ljuden försvinner
Hjärtat slutar slå
När tiden runnit ut

Ett stort hål i mina lungor
Stjäl luften jag andas in
Jag trodde jag föralltid var din
Mitt hjärta slog för dig, som musiken i takt med trummor


Ditt svek förlät jag
Dina ord sårade,men dem betydde inget
Men jag borde ha sett
Att du skulle lämna mig en dag


Ensam står jag kvar
Tittar ut över havets brus
Undrar om det finns något ljus
Eller om jag bara stjäl och tar

Here on these cliffs of Dover
So high you can't see over
And while your head is spinning
Hold tight, it's just beginning

You come from parents wanton
A childhood rough and rotten
I come from wealth and beauty
Untouched by work or duty

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

I found you, a tattooed tramp
A dirty daugher from the labour cans
I laid you down on the grass of a clearing
You wept but your soul was willing

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together

And my parents will never consent to this love
But I hold your hand

Meet me on my vast veranda
My sweet, untouched Miranda
And while the seagulls are crying
We fall but our souls are flying

And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, my love
And oh, my love, oh my love
And oh, my love, my love
We both go down together